Celebrations and parties at this time are probably one on the last of the priorities. With social distancing restrictions in place, we are not in a position to have them with our dear ones. This year we had couple of Birthdays and of course mother's day celebrated during COVID. My elder daughter's birthday was in April. As normally we would, all bookings, invitations, cake order and party decorations were planned well in advanced to make it a special occasion for her. Two weeks before the date, we made a difficult but conscious decision to not go ahead with the party. It was very hard for the little one to understand why this was happening and she was very upset that she won't be dancing and having fun with her friends this year. And of course, will not be getting presents. We tried our best to explain her, not that she did not get it, but given her agen (turning 7) we can't expect her to be totally cool with it. So, there were few bursts of crying for next few weeks.
On further self -reflection it's probably the lifestyle we live, that we are so highly depended on external sources for our happinesss. We depend on other people, things, work, acheivement and the most being money, to make us happy. We depend on other people, things, work, achievement and the most being money, to make us happy. It's probably, our fault as parents, who have taught them that happiness comes from having a party, getting presents and so on. We teach them happiness comes by going to good school, having higher education and having good job. This probably stems from my own upbringing where these things were considered highly important.
This whole COVID situation and also my personal injury has given me time to reflect on some of these. As I am confined to house for some time now, I have come to realise that no matter what situation you are in, no matter your condition of life, you are responsible for your own happiness.
Personally, first thing for me was to let go of control, accepting that not everything will be as I plan. There was so much to unlearn and start over again. Being an obsessive organiser/ planner and perfectionist, it was very difficult for me. I had to stop fighting with myself, to blame situation, to stop thinking of what I could have done differently to avoid this. I had to learn that happiness was not about kicking goals or achieving targets, but more about your response to the situation. I had to let go of my anxiety of wanting to do certain thinks but not able to do. Listening to TED talk by Susanna Halonen, she explains that ticking goals of your list or achieving certain things does not mean happiness. Happiness is not a destination but is a journey and an everyday choice. Three key things she discusses is practicing resilience, living in the moment and practicing gratitude will ensure you are happy in every situation.
As Sadguru (Isha Foundation ) says, “If you understand that you alone make up both joy and misery, there will be no problem”. You should again learn to be happy, the same way as a child. Who for no tasks, goals to achieve still feels joy in being in the moment.
As a first step towards being happy, we made it up to the birthday girl by organising a surprise balloon shower in the morning. The smile on her face seeing the colourful balloons, is something I will remember. We had her favourite breakfast together. Just being together and talking about nothing was such a beautiful moment. We did organise a ZOOM party with her friends with some music and cake. We did a Facetime with family back in India - grandparents, cousins, uncle and aunts. She enjoyed her day with us at home, with all her favourite food, board games, songs and dancing and watching her favourite movie. It was a good for her and also us to understand that not all parties have to be fancy, outdoors and with lots of people. It can be fun just with your family too and be happy. As the growth mindset says- "No one is in charge of your happiness except you". We gifted her “The Big Life Journal” to set her on her own happiness journey. There is still long way to go for us, however it begins now……..
Comments